Don't Go There Zargon!

a trailer of a rip-off of a film within a film

spaced. again?

a scene from the mockumentary.

Facebreaker! Coming Sept. 5

So, I downloaded the demo of EA Sports' FACEBREAKER for PS3. Not a realistic-looking boxing game. You play with caricatures with varying looks and personalities. The gameplay and graphics are a lot of fun.


Now, there is something extra about this game that makes it extremely cool...the "Create a Boxer" feature (which all boxing games probably have) goes one step further to the point where you can actually upload front and side photos of yourself and the game will morph your face onto a CGI image. You can make appropriate adjustments, but for the most part, none are needed. It is almost 100% spot-on.


Not impressed yet? Well, you should be! Having only played a demo, I don't know the complete ins and outs of the game, but it is a lot of fun, and this face-capturing feature makes it a lot cooler than simply designing your own character from scratch.

Your body is sculpted based on the body of one of the other boxers in the game (but, again, this may only be in the demo).

I'm not aware of any other titles that have embraced this technology yet, but it is very cool and very exciting.

Check out FACEBREAKER at www.easportsworld.com

The Montauk Monster

Recently, the internet and tv news channels have been on fire (okay, maybe just smoldering off in the corner somewhere) over the pictures from the Hamptons of the so-called "Montauk Monster".

What could this thing that is obviously a male mammal be? Well, let's try to figure it out...

Is it a publicity stunt?

No, probably not...It is a strange coincidence that Cartoon Network's new show, The Secret Saturdays, about a family that seeks out mythological creatures called "Cryptids", is airing. This kind of thing seems like a prank of Cartoon Network proportions (i.e. AquaTeen Hunger Force). However, as far as I know, this new show is meant for children and probably wouldn't be throwing a fake animal with its cock hanging out on the beach. So that's out.

Is it a Hoax?

If it is, it is an elaborate hoax that would yield absolutely no result...and it would've been declared a hoax already.

Is it a genetic mutation brought on by an Animal Testing Facility?

That doesn't even make any sense. This animal has obviously been dead for a long long time. And what testing facility is just fucking around, making non-descript freak animals for no reason? I feel like I'm having an argument with myself, so I'll move on.

If it's not a Monster, what is it?

First, there's no such thing as a Monster. This dead animal has captured the imaginations of many people (myself included), but the more rational of us attempt to seek REAL answers in things that may be weird and kinda creepy...

So, what is it? Well...

We know that something washed up on the beach early that day. More than a few people saw this thing, and many many people took pictures. With that much coverage, some experts MUST HAVE stepped forward and said "I know what this is." And what do you know? They DID!

But here's the thing: some disagree.

Possibilities:

A Dog? many people have seen multiple angles of this thing and said that it clearly looks like a decomposed dog. In another picture, the animal appears to have a beak, but it's clear that it is just the front of the skull poking through the skin. Could be a dog...but wait, there's more!

A Skinned Ram? I heard this online...still doesn't make any sense.

A Whale Fetus? Whales ARE mammals...but they usually don't have four legs, fur, and floppy ears...

A Possum or Otter? I think we might be getting warmer, but...wait!

A Demon?! (...)

A Raccoon? Makes sense, but some experts say that the paws are a bit too long.

A Sea Turtle? It has teeth.

A Rodent? Could be. Actually, this may be the best answer...And you're thinking: Hey, that's a pretty fucking big rodent...but look at the picture again. There's a fly on its back leg, indicating that the picture is WAY close up, and this "Monster" is no bigger than a baby. It could be a dog, a medium-sized one...or...

One website (http://gawker.com/5032170/montauk-monster-vole-or-satan) presents a reasonable argument that the dead animal is a Dead Water Rat. The pictures look similar, and it's pretty logical to make the connection.

FOX's experts say: Dead Raccoon. (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,396182,00.html)

Venom energy drink created a blog/contest to capture a "Montauk Monster" here (http://capturethebeast.blogspot.com/).

My best guess: Dog or Water Rat.

If you look at the new pictures, it appears that it's almost certainly a dog (possibly skinned or just really decomposed). No one can check out this body scientifically because someone "took the body", so at this point, no one can know for sure. But one thing's fore sure, it IS a real animal. A real dead animal.

My expert opinion: Not a Monster.

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